This is not a regular post about the cool things I'm currently doing in the city. This is a post in response to all the recent celebrity deaths as well as those also sharing their stories regarding depression and anxiety.
Like many others, I have had my own dark go-around with depression and anxiety. In my teens, depression with hints of anxiety was most likely what I was feeling, but I didn't understand that at the time.
Now, as an adult, anxiety is more what I deal with on the regular. I am not at a level that throws me into one panic attack to the next, but I do know what that feels like. Now, I feel more of a tight chest and constant worried thoughts when I feel anxious.
I just wanted to throw that out there, because I'm not afraid to talk about it and I don't want others to be afraid either. I just want you to know that I personally understand what it's like to have a mental illness.
After the death of travel show host and one of my heroes, Anthony Bourdain, I've been scanning twitter feeds and articles to hear other stories of personal experiences with Bourdain and their own walks with mental illness.
As I read through comments and stories, I felt so much hope for the future generations who might not have to feel so stigmatized about their mental health. Will Wheaton shared a very honest journey with his chronic depression and how he's living with it now (read here.)
Chrissy Teigen is another outspoken celebrity voice who isn't afraid to talk about her postpardum depression (you can follow here on Twitter @chrissyteigen.) There are countless others including Kristen Bell, Patton Oswald, JK Rowling, and The Rock. It really warms my heart that celebrities are willing to share about mental health to reach mass audiences. This kind of engagement crumbles the shame others may feel.
But not all comments surrounding mental health or suicide are positive...
Following Bourdain's death, The New York Times published an obituary remembering the great personality we lost. The piece itself was wonderful, but a few comments provided by different people reminded me that not everyone understands what it means to have a mental illness.
Here are a few things to know:
People do not choose to be sick.
Feeling "sad" is not the same as having depression.
The "happy" people in your life can still suffer from depression and/or anxiety.
The comments read, "He is absolutely the last person in the world I would have ever dreamed would do something like this" and “Tony had been in a dark mood these past couple of days,” but she had no idea why he might have decided to kill himself. “He had everything,” she said. “Success beyond his wildest dreams. Money beyond his wildest dreams.”
I'm not trying to say that those people meant any harm with their words and I don't mean to lessen the pain they are feeling. Their comments just brought me back to the reality that mental health is still misunderstood.
Of course Bourdain seemed to have it all and to others it doesn't make sense that he would end his amazing life. But if there's one thing a mental illness doesn't do, it's make any sense at all.
It doesn't matter if a person "has it all" or even has loving friends and family. Nothing on the exterior matters, because what's inside the mind is turning everything upside down.
When someone with depression or anxiety experiences terrible feelings of fear and hopelessness, they know it is just their mind. For example, I used to freak out before going to birthday parties, because I was so nervous to meet knew people. I knew that it didn't make sense, because as soon as I would get there, I would have fun and forget all about the anxious thoughts.
Or when I was feeling hopeless after not being able to find a job, I knew everything would work out eventually and I had so many people on my side, but my mind still spiraled into dark thoughts and panic.
It's important to me that people in my life know what I'm dealing with and going through. It's important that other people know that I'm doing well, but that I occasionally experience bouts of anxiety.
Maybe if Anthony Bourdain or Kate Spade or any of the people everyday who decide to end their own life lived in a world where it is okay to reach out without fear of judgement, they would still be here.
So maybe I should've said that differently... A loving family and loving friends does matter and make a difference as long as they are open and honest about mental health. We need to create an open dialogue with one another, because mental health is something that affects everyone in some way or another.
If you have never felt depressed or anxious or personally experienced mental health issues, you may be thinking, "How can I help my friends who do? How do I even reach out?"
If you don't know where to start, I encourage you to inform yourself and do some research; pop on some TED talks, read some articles, listen to a podcast.
The second thing I encourage is to be mindful when talking about mental health. Refrain from saying someone is "crazy, because they have *insert mental illness*" because chances are, they can't help it.
Just making a small change in your own dialogue, can help people close to you open up and reach out. I'm not a psychologist, but I really do think this could help us all care for one another a little better.
Here are some resources:
(sometimes it helps me to just listen to other people talk about their stories.)
Thanks for reading and feel free to leave a comment or email me at kaitlyn.bleacher@gmail.com
-KB